Finding My Saving Grace

In Writing 101 there were three assignments that were to be written as part of a series. It took me over a year to finish all three, each one harder for me to write than the one before it.  The first assignment was Serial Killer was about losing something and I wrote Working Through The Pain with Chocolate and Chardonnay.  The second part in the series was Serially Found which was about finding something and I wrote Not Quite Me.

This is the final part in the three installment series and it is about Lost and Found.


The first time I held your cousin Jennifer Christina in my arms. I drank in her new baby smell and cried softly in her pink sleeper. My due date was ten days prior to the day she was born.  I was supposed to be holding you in my arms, her big cousin by all of less than two weeks, when she arrived. Instead my arms were empty.

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Not Quite Me

Writing 101: Serially Found

Earlier in the course, you wrote about losing something. Today, write about finding something. For your twist, view day four’s post and today’s post as installments in a series.

This is the second part in a three installment series.  The first installment was The Serial Killer.


For several weeks before I found out, I had been complaining how unusually tired I was; exhausted really.

“I don’t feel sick,” I remember saying to Sam, one of my girlfriends, on the phone as I sat on the carpeted step outside of my bedroom.  “I don’t know how to explain it, I just don’t feel like myself.”

“It seems like you’ve been tired ever since your father died,” she offered.

For a moment, I thought maybe Sam is right.  My father’s sudden death did take a toll on me.  It took me almost two weeks to return to my office and several months to resume my normal schedule.  My body and my soul were in mourning.

“No, it has been five years.  This is different.  I’m sneaking into the ladies room at work to take power naps during the day.  I come home and I’m tired and I’m hungry.  When I start to eat, I’m not that hungry; I’m more tired so I just go to bed early.”

“You need to make an appointment with your doctor,” Sam chided.

“You’re right.  It’s not that I’m sick, at least I don’t think I’m sick.  I feel like me, but just not quite me.”

“Maybe you’re not quite you, you are quite you pregnant!”

“That’s crazy.  We just got back together.  If, I’m still feeling off in a few days I’ll call my doctor.”

I was still sitting on the step when your Dad walked in the house.  When I got up to kiss him, I immediately felt woozy.  Not the you swept me off my feet woozy, the I’m about to do a face plant kind of woozy.

That was it.  I had to go to the doctors immediately.  I told him what Sam had said and we started talking about the possibility of you. We were cautiously optimistic both thinking it was more likely that I was experiencing some sort of blood sugar imbalance than that I was pregnant.

The next day my primary care doctor confirmed Sam’s suspicion.  That is how we found out, baby girl that we were going to be a family, a forever family.